"the fool in him that walked out, is the fool that just won't ask"

I'm sure your wondering just what i'm up to..

well I left TN. I packed up and left in a matter of a few days. Do I regret it? no.. not regret, do i wish i had calmed down a little bit more before i did it.. yes. I'm happy. I'm having the time of my life catching up with old friends, turning 21, and being an independent woman for the first time ever. But I miss the hell out of my husband, he is still my husband. He's home from his deployment, he was due home on my 21st birthday. That was a very trying day. I cried that day, for the first time since I left TN. I had not imagined a year ago today, I'd be where I am today. I want to see him, crazy I know. I guess out of sight, out of mind applies. But out of country, out of mind? Maybe. Who knows what I was thinking. I'm still mad, and no I don't think things would be any different if I had stayed. But a girl can and will wonder.

Text just sent. "I miss you. More than I thought I would, and I'm tired of denying it."

Guts or stupidity, who knows. One thing I've always been is honest, even when it hurts. Even when I don't like admitting it. I asked him to stop by on his way back to his base after his leave. He agreed to shockingly enough, but do I really want to go there. I might walk away with more questions and doubts than I walked in with. And I really don't need that. Honestly I do have a few of his things that somehow got mixed in with mine and I do need to give them to them. But I don't know if I am capable of that.

I was fine, until I knew he was home. And now I just wonder how it felt to him to come home and me not be there. He practically walked into an empty house, he'd never seen except for my pictures. Maybe I should quit thinking and debating and let it go. I chose this, and I am happy. For the most part. We shall see.