this is not how i expected my life during my husband's deployment to go. this is not how i expected my life at any point to go. first and foremost :: some crazy little part of me thought after his r&r the last of this would be easier. ha. what a crazy thought that was. i have nearly pulled out all my hair in the little more than a month since jacobs been gone back. not literally. but i have been kicking and screaming, literally. while home, well like the last day he decides we are buying a house, he's getting out of the military and I am staying in Tennesse. I wasn't a happy person. Then after some very aggrivating house hunting, I found one, and I got excited & now in 2 weeks I will be living in our adorable first house. and I CANT WAIT. buttttttt. there's always a but...
as previously mentioned I had surgery back in November, and discovered I have endometriosis. Not life threatening but it will most likely eventually make me infertile, not to mention miserable from pain. Then Saturday I started feeling a new pain, well I've felt this pain before but not to this extent.. By Sunday, I was headed to the ER. I know my endometriosis pain, and I knew this wasn't quite right. After 5 million questions. The dr says well I believe you are experiencing and ectopic pregnancy or ruptured cyst. I knew it wasn't the pregnancy (will explain later) so I was like cyst no big deal, this pain will go away soon and I will be good. Then after a humiliating pelvic exam with many people in the room, and me nearly smacking the doctor because whatever he was poking HURT. I get some blood work done, wait.wait.wait, get sent to ultrasound where I nearly smack the ultrasound tech. Ah yes, first transvaginal ultrasound, so pleasant, wait.wait.wait. Then the doctor comes in and said well you aren't pregnant, with a good or bad pregnancy (so nice of you doc!) you dont have a ruptured cyst either... you have a fibroid tumor on your uterus. tumor and uterus don't go well together. tumor isn't good alone. he didn't tell me a lot, other than I was too young for this, or the morphine shot doesn't allow me to remember much, but I was told to follow up with my OBGYN, which I am doing, on Monday.
I do know these are very common and have slim chances of being cancerous, but I have cancer in my immediate family. My aunt passed away from cancer that started in her vagina. So yes I am terrified. And I have very little faith in how accurate my ER doctor is at identifying certain tumors.
Not to mention, I'm feeling extremely frustrated with Jacob. I know he doesn't know what to say, and he can't do anything from where he is. And I resent that. I am so frustrated he hasn't been here to go thru all these changes. I swore I would never be one of those wifes. But a lot has been put on my plate and I am quite overwhelmed. I love him with all my heart though, and I know he will support me as best as he can.
More posting later.. for now, goodnight.
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